


On My Way.

by Polishrose



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Episode 8, No Mercy, Slightly Emotional, bless his soul he's precious, kind of based on real life, little fluffball, my daughter helps me tag because she's better at it, there's one curse word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 15:39:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9555344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polishrose/pseuds/Polishrose
Summary: Based on epiosde 8 of Korean reality show 'No Mercy', IM enters the show part way through the series as a new trainee. How will the others react?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: all rights go to the creators of No Mercy and Monsta X.

I.M sighed and threw down his pencil in frustration. He’d been trying to write one line for the past hour and nothing was sounding right. He breathed out slowly and looked around at the crumpled up pieces of paper all over the floor. He’d never found it so hard to write something before, but this was important. His future depended on it.  
When the company had approached him and asked him to be on the reality show, he’d jumped at the chance. It had meant one step closer to debut after training for two years. He’d known it would be difficult; after all, he was entering part way through the series. He had expected the other trainees to feel some resentment at first, but had convinced himself it wouldn’t take long before they were all friends.   
It hadn’t worked out that way so far. Everyone had been polite, but that was all.   
He cast his mind back to the very first day, that awkward meeting at the table when nobody had wanted to look him in the eyes or even speak to him. That was understandable. They were upset about the trainee who had just been eliminated and who had left without saying goodbye. He had stood in the corridor for a good fifteen minutes trying to get up the courage to go in the living room with the others, but hadn’t taken that step until Kihyun walked past him and told him to sit with them.  
The conversation had stopped the minute he walked over to the boys and sat down awkwardly. In a short space of time, the trainees had left one by one, and after a brief conversation with the one remaining trainee,in which it had been made perfectly clear that nobody was happy about his presence, he had been left alone to unpack.  
He hadn’t let his emotions take over that night. He’d been strong, convincing himself that things would be better in the morning, that the shock of him coming would have lessened and that he would be accepted.   
As the days had gone by he became more and more withdrawn. He’d tried talking to the trainees, just casual conversation, but after a few short, unwilling replies he had given up. The other boys seemed like one big happy family, all working together for the missions, while he was left to get on with things himself.  
He spent most of his time in the small practice room, sometimes staying until 3 or 4 am, practising his rap. At least that was one thing he was good at, he smiled grimly. He’d surprised them when he was asked to rap for the first time, and had seen a grudging respect in Jooheon’s eyes. He hadn’t become any friendlier though, and after a week of this, Changkyun had almost had enough.  
For the hundredth time he wondered if he had made a huge mistake by staying. He could rap. He could dance. He could write his own lyrics. He could even sing. But none of this would matter if everyone hated him.  
He glanced at his watch and sighed. Time for the meeting about the next mission. Another hour where he would feel invisible….

The meeting had passed as he had expected. They had been divided into teams and told to go write lyrics. He’d been put into a team with Jooheon and it was the older boy who took the lead and suggested they make a start on writing while the vocalists were working on their melody.  
They walked slowly towards a practice room, the tiniest one, and Changkyun took a seat on the furthest chair, not taking his jacket off and leaning forward, head down.  
“Were you…were you a trainee before?”.Jooheon asked suddenly.  
Changkyun looked up in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting Jooheon to initiate a conversation about anything except the lyrics.  
“Yes,” he replied quietly “I’ve been a trainee for two years.”  
“ Two years?” Jooheon asked as if to make sure of his facts.  
“Yes” replied Changkyun.  
Jooheon looked away as if trying to decide whether to say something or not, but with a sudden determination decided to say what was on his mind.  
“All right, I’m going to be honest. I wasn’t planning to talk to you at all.”  
At that Changkyun looked down staring at a dirty spot on the carpet. Here it comes, he thought. This is where he tells me to just go home…  
“I wanted to tell you, you’re on your own.” Jooheon continued, “and I’ll be on my own.”  
Changkyun blinked hard, forcing himself to not show any emotion.  
“But I came to realise,”Jooheon carried on,”we’re on the same team. We have to open up and work together if we’re going to create good rap…”  
Changkyun swallowed hard, and bit his bottom lip. He could feel himself getting emotional and he wasn’t about to show weakness in front of Jooheon. He nodded in agreement, afraid his voice would betray how he was feeling. He’d been feeling so alone, unable to talk to anyone.  
“So rather than starting straight away on the words,”Jooheon spoke again, “I wanted to talk a little bit.”   
He paused, as if waiting for a response from Changkyun, but carried on when he didn’t speak.  
“Before you came on the show…..”.Suddenly his voice sounded accusing.”Did anyone promise to have you debut?” He looked directly at Changkyun for the first time since they’d entered the room.  
Instantly Changkyun answered firmly,”No. Never.” He emphasised the last word.  
Jooheon looked at him doubtfully and continued “Well, I kind of feel that being on the show implies that you’ll debut for sure. Think about it.” He paused and waited, gathering his thoughts. “We lost three guys to elimination. It’s the 4th Debut Mission. And you join the show,” he gestured. “So I can’t help but feel…like you were promised something.”   
Changkyun looked at Jooheon in disbelief. They thought he was here because he’d somehow managed to make a deal in order to debut? This was what they’d been thinking about him? For a second he couldn’t speak. He didn’t know whether to be angry or stay calm, to argue, or just let it go. He looked away and waited for Jooheon to continue.  
“And another thing….Kwangji was eliminated right?” he gestured “Then you joined the show…..I was so pissed off”, he stated calmly, the words themselves belying his anger at the situation.”I thought to myself that this is nonsense. I mean, what does that make Kwangji?” he finally stopped and looked at Changkyun.  
Changkyun was biting hard on his lip. He didn’t know what to say. Jooheon wasn’t going to believe him no matter what he said.   
“As long as you remain on the show”Jooheon spoke again. “it’s going to be tough for you.”  
Changkyun nodded. “Yeah,”he said softly.  
“It means you have to work that much harder.”Jooheon stated firmly.   
A moment of silence passed while both men stared at the wall, the floor, anywhere except at each other. Changkyun was trying to stay calm, to keep his emotions bottled up as he had been ever since he’d arrived.  
Hesitantly, he started to answer.”For me…”, he paused his voice catching in his throat.”I’m just…” instinctively he reached out to touch Jooheon’s knee briefly, as if reassuring him of his sincerity.”I’m grateful …you told me …what’s on your mind.” he spoke quietly and hesitantly. He could feel a lump in his throat and hot tears were pricking at his eyes.” I know you guys…”he swallowed hard and glanced at the wall trying to stay strong.”:I know it’s hard for you guys to open up to me.”   
Breathe, just breathe, you can’t cry, he thought to himself.   
He closed his eyes for a moment and continued “ So even if it’s little by little,” he clasped his hands together when they started trembling.”When you guys come and talk to me…” his voice trailed off into a whisper. He was suddenly overcome with the feelings of sadness and loneliness, and, as if a wall inside him had finally cracked, tears leaked from his closed eyes. Desperately he tried to control his tears, but he had been feeling alone for too long.   
Jooheon looked at him in surprise. In all this he hadn’t considered how Changkyun must be feeling. He hadn’t realised how hard this must have been for him, not only the pressure of the debut competition, but trying to fit in with everyone else. He suddenly saw how everyone had been acting towards Changkyun, hoping he would break and leave. For the first time, he saw him as a person, a potential friend, not a rival who was here to steal someone’s place. He was overcome with shame at his behaviour and smiled awkwardly at Changkyun, who was sitting silently, tears making their way down his cheeks.   
Impatiently Changkyun wiped his tears away. He hadn’t wanted to show his weakness in front of anyone.   
“Just work hard all right?” Jooheon had answered gruffly, but with a friendlier tone of voice than before.”You have to get through it,” he finished before changing the subject to the lyrics they were writing.

Things had improved from that time. He couldn’t say they were all best friends, but the ice had definitely started to melt. He was being included in funny jokes and meals out, exercise in the gym and dance practice. Lots of dance practice. It wasn’t perfect but he was starting to feel like they were accepting him. As Jooheon had advised him, he was working hard, still staying in the practice rooms until the early hours of the morning. Sometimes the others would stay with him to practice more, to refine and polish their teamwork.  
This time he was on his own. It was the final mission and he had one line left to write. He couldn’t quite pinpoint why he was having such trouble with it. It wasn’t a particularly difficult rhythm, he shouldn’t be having such problems with timing. He felt like the success of the whole mission depended on him. One wrong line, even a wrong phrase, and the judges would be harsh to criticise not only him, but the entire team.  
He sighed and leaned back in his chair. His phone buzzed with a text from Jooheon ‘Come on…hurry up with that rap part.We’re all waiting for you downstairs.’  
A second text followed, this time from Kihyun ‘If you don’t hurry up we’ll replace you with another rapper haha.’  
At that he grinned. He knew they wouldn’t even try. He didn’t want to sound big-headed, but he knew he was easily as good as Jooheon. In a flash of inspiration, he scribbled down the last line of the song.

‘Because you can’t even measure against me, Interstellar’

 

With a smile, and finally a feeling of acceptance, of being part of a team,and sent a reply ‘I’m on my way.’  
Yes, he thought. He was finally on his way.


End file.
